Twenty-Seventeen... The Year of More Love
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Do you remember Charlie’s surname? 

27/3/2016

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When my Mum was a little girl she would regularly spend every precious cent she had on a bag of lollies and I loved when she shared these stories with me as she’d go into delicious, delectable detail.
 
She painted such a bright picture in my mind of just how much joy this experience brought her.
 
She’d describe her excited walk to the local milk bar and then she’d stand looking up at the counter filled with colourful sugary delights and slowly…
 
ever
so
slowly
 
she’d select her favourite treats and watch as the milk bar owner packed them all tightly into a little white paper bag before handing them down to her.
 
And every time she told me this story, she’d stop to laugh at this point as she admitted that hardly any of those lollies would make it all the way home.  

​Clearly for those particular lollies it was more about the journey than the destination.
 
I definitely inherited every little piece of Mum’s lollie-loving DNA as I was exactly the same as a little girl. And I followed her footsteps by walking to the local milk bar more times than I can count.
 
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Your typical Melbourne Milk Bar (aka real estate filled with lollies). Image www.concreteplayground.com
I can still remember the feel and weight of one of those little bags of lollies in my hand.
 
It’s a shame those Very Expensive lolly stands they have at shopping centres and movie theatres these days don’t use Little White Paper Bags. Plastic bags just aren’t the same. At all.


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Little White Paper Bags patiently awaiting their sweet-filled fate
It'll come as no surprise to hear that one of my favourite movies as a child was ‘Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory’. It was such a fantastical adventure into what I sincerely hoped was a real chocolate factory because I longed to win a competition to visit it myself. I so badly wanted one of those golden tickets so I could meet the Oompa-Loompas.

So you can imagine how excited I was when Mum told me she once worked in a chocolate factory. I figured that had to be The Best Job In The World!!!
 
Remember when Lucy and Ethel worked in a chocolate factory? Soooooo funny!


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8NPzLBSBzPI

I remember being out to dinner with friends when I was in my twenties and somehow we started talking about Willy Wonka and none of us could remember Charlie’s surname so I started going from table to table in the restaurant asking random strangers if they knew what his name was. Ah, finding the answers to questions was so much more creative and interactive prior to the invention of Google wasn't it? (Remember that night Ann? So Much Fun and I met so many lovely strangers who all had the opportunity to revisit their childhood, whether they wanted to or not... haha!)

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My love of sugary treats knew no bounds and most of my pocket money was spent on lollies, just as Mum’s had been a few decades earlier.
 
Although when I Fell Deeply Head Over Heels in Love With Books, I started keeping some of my pocket money to spend on those too. 
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Image from www.aclutteredmind.com
 It was such a delicious love triangle. Books, Lollies and Me.
 
And I was similar to Mum as I don’t think the concept of ‘save some for later’ ever resonated with me. 
 
Not when it came to lollies or money. I ate them as soon as they were in my possession and I spent it as soon as I received it.
 
Save Some For Later.
 
It’s such a foreign concept.
 
I just don’t get it and I agree with Ross.
 
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Image from www.gifrific.com
Growing up, there were two BIG lollie and chocolate-related events in life.
 
Easter and the Royal Melbourne Show.
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Bertie Beetle Show Bags were the best! Image: www.heraldsun.com.au
One family tradition I remember vividly is our trip to the Royal Melbourne Show in September each year. We went on rides, ate fairy floss, got lost in the crowds on occasion and without fail, my brother and I came home with a ridiculous amount of show bags in our possession. We’d sit on the floor in the living room counting our plentiful stash of sweet treats and trinkets. What joy those family excursions brought us. Not just because of the things we received but because Dad worked shift work so a day out with both of our parents was Extra Special.
 
The Easter Bunny was a very generous visitor in our house and getting a Humpty Dumpty was the pinnacle of Easter treats. I still buy a Humpty Dumpty every year as it takes me right back to my childhood.
 
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Humpty Dumpty circa 2016. Don't fall Humpty!
My brother is the total opposite of Mum and I when it comes to sweets.
 
Mum and Dad would obviously give us the same amount of Easter Eggs or buy us the same amount of show bags but without fail, I would eat all my sweet treats within a couple of days and he would still have his a few weeks later.
 
Oh, the torture of seeing his little piles of Easter Eggs in the fridge after I’d eaten all of mine. Eventually I’d beg him for one of course, which would delight him as he knew he could get me to do something to earn one of his eggs!
 
Childhood can be rough to navigate when you have a big brother who knows all your weaknesses.
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Check out how happy he is to be holding the chocolate… and how grumpy I am that I don’t have any. Not happy Jan.
This photo was taken on my brother’s birthday but I’m sure I wouldn’t have understood why I didn’t get a block of chocolate as well. I loved it more afterall. Surely that's a good enough reason?

I remember Mum telling me this photo was taken on a really hot day in Perth and David’s chocolate melted by the time we got back to the car from this lookout.

Which is, of course, a pretty solid reason to always eat chocolate Right Away!!! The risk of the Melty Monster getting his hands on it is way too great.
 
So the challenge I set myself for the month of February was to not eat any chocolate, lollies or ice-cream for Twenty-Nine entire days (and yes, I did choose February to do this particular challenge as it’s the shortest month of the year).
 
I was not to eat one single mouthful.
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Image from www.debbieohi.com
And I did it so easily I was shocked!
 
Absolutely shocked.
 
As you now know, I’ve had a life-long love affair with All Things Sweet so I honestly thought this would be a really difficult thing to do for an entire month.
 
Twenty-nine days.
 
Six hundred and ninety-six hours.
 
Forty-one thousand, seven hundred and sixty seconds.
 
A really REALLY long time.
 
So why was it so easy?
 
Because it was short-term.
 
So my brain and body knew they would get to enjoy these treats again in the near future.
 
It’s a simple as that.
 
Had I said ‘I’m giving up sugar forever’
 
or
 
‘I’m never going to eat a bag of lollies ever again for the rest of my life’
 
I would have failed within the first few days.
 
But I went Twenty-Nine whole days and not only did I do it easily, I also didn’t really miss it.
 
I even had a block of Lindt chocolate in the fridge The Entire Time which went untouched. 

I did glance at it adoringly on occasion though.
 
So have I gone back to my wicked chocolate, lolly and ice-cream eating ways in March? Oh course I have! I’m nibbling on a Humpty Dumpty as I type this (yep, the one in the photo above… thanks for your yumminess HD. You've now lovingly fulfilled your mission in life to be adored, appreciated and devoured).

The Easter Bunny has always managed to keep track of where I’m living no matter how often I move. He's very clever like that.
 
And the other reason why I’m eating Sweet Treats again is because I’m my mother’s daughter through and through.
 
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We even wore hats that resembled white paper lolly bags!
One of my favourite books, ‘The Lady and the Chocolate’ by Edward Monkton always reminds me that we’re doing a wonderful service by eating chocolate… take a look at this short clip about the book.
 
You’ll never feel guilty about eating chocolate again. I promise.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cbI7UD8mt8I

See, what a happy story that is.
 
By the way, his surname was Bucket… Charlie Bucket. Just in case you were curious and haven’t gotten around to Googling it yet.
 
Joyful hugs,
 
Karen  xo
 
‘People are like M&Ms. They come in a variety of colors, they're hard on the outside, and full of obscene yumminess on the inside.’ Michael Makai


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How much would you pay for love?

6/10/2014

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I need to begin with a ‘The Year of More’ Confession.

A few weekends ago I bought a DVD. 

Yes, I know, I promised I wouldn’t. 

But I did it for love. 

Truly.

Last year I had bought the movies ‘Before Sunset’ and ‘Before Sunrise’ on one DVD and when I finally got around to watching them a few weeks ago, I simply couldn’t wait to find out what happened to these characters in the third movie ‘Before Midnight’. 

I was so caught up in their love story that I broke one of my goals for The Year of More – to not buy any DVDs for 12 months. I briefly thought about renting it from my video store (yes, they still exist!) but I was pretty sure I would want to watch it again so I chose to invest $12.95 in my own copy instead. 

Did I need to buy it? No. But love makes us do irrational and impulsive things sometimes. 

On the Scale of Irrational and Impulsive Things this one is quite minor of course, but it’s a slippery slope to The Bigger Things. Trust me, I know from experience. That slope is desperately slippery at times.

I have done many, many, many Irrational and Impulsive things in The Name of Love.


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I rushed out to spend $12.95 on love and it wasn’t even my love story. It wasn’t even about Real People Who Actually Exist. It was about characters created by the imagination of someone else. And yet I felt completely invested in their love story and I literally couldn’t wait to find out what happened to them. 

Fictional love has a fairly hefty gravitational pull but real life love has the greatest gravitational pull of all.

Think about the romantic love stories in your life. 

The first one.

The grand ones. 

The painful ones. 

The one you perhaps still daydream about from time to time.

The one which continues. 

The ones which have ended.

The ones which helped you grow.

Which is hopefully all of the above. Love should always help us to grow. 

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I realise that DVD didn’t cost a huge amount of money but I broke one of my cardinal rules for The Year of More so that makes it a significant expenditure.

So it got me thinking about the price we pay for love.

The price we pay can be monetary.

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Or letting go of an ideal.

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Or giving up freedom.

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Or taking on responsibility.

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Image from Pinterest
Or facing the fear of having your heart broken again.

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Or the fear of vulnerability.

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‘I’m not going anywhere’.

Surely they are four of the most beautiful words ever put together to form a short sentence.

That’s love in itself isn’t it?

I think about all of these things when I think about falling in love again. Except perhaps, the ideal of him being taller, although I’m sure there’s another ideal kicking around in my heart that is screaming out to be satisfied. Although I think it’s simply that he will accept me warts and snorts and all for The Quirky Being I Am.

I applaud people who are brave enough to Love Again. 

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Because quite frankly it’s a scary prospect to the Little Miss Independent who resides safely in Her Happy Little Life.

That’s me, in case that was a tad vague.

I guess like anything in life, love is about doing a risk analysis. Yes, you can even be nerdy with love.

Is what I’m giving up – freedom, heart safety, possession of the remote control (omg, would that mean I might have to get the TV aerial fixed and watch football again?? Surely not!), financial independence, 100% decision making about my life, being responsible for Just My Little Old Self and most importantly, giving up the delightful life I’m living now.

In exchange for…


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A collage of photos from My Delightful Single Life
The Great Unknown Land of Love.

Love in its grandest of grand forms.

A love made of tougher stuff than all previous versions in my life have been.

A love to share in the most intimate of ways.

A love which withstands fear and vulnerability.

A love which grows as strong and solid as a gum tree.

A love which laughs out loud and snorts along with me.

A love which allows me to continue to grow as my own person.

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Those of you who are comfortable and secure in your love lives probably don’t remember the feeling of The Love Unknown. I know I didn’t when I was Happily in Love.

The Love Known is a place of security and never-ending possibility. It's a place people long to reside.

I’ve never forgotten sitting next to a couple on a plane flying from LA to London when I was a very naïve twenty-one year old. They were a couple in their thirties; he English, she American. She cried from the moment she sat down in the seat next to me. Not quiet crying. Gut-wrenching, heartbreaking sobs. After an hour or so, she got up to go to the bathroom and her husband and I got talking. He explained they’d just gotten married and they were moving to London to live. A happy story one might think. So why was she so upset?

Because she had two children she was leaving behind in California. I can’t quite remember why they couldn’t live in the States but there was some problem with his visa so they were going to live in the UK for a few years and then move to LA to be closer to her children.

Even my young, naïve self knew how significant that must be for a parent to do.

Leaving children behind is a rather hefty price to pay for love isn’t it?

Due to my insatiably curious nature, over the years I’ve often wondered what happened to them. Did their marriage survive or was the price she paid too high? How did her children cope in her absence? What message did her actions send to them about love and relationships?

When we hear about people making huge decisions like this, we often feel as though we have a right to weigh in. To have an opinion. And too often, to voice an opinion.

But we never ever know what’s really going on for someone else. In their head and their heart. We can never look at someone else’s life through our Life Lens. It’s hard enough making Big Life Decisions without having everyone judge you for them at the same time.

I remember thinking this was surely the most difficult decision of this woman’s young life and I felt compassion for her but I was also a little bewildered about how she could seemingly choose a man ahead of her children.

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Perhaps one of the most controversial and publicly debated Love Decisions was made by King Edward XIII. Edward (I feel I can call him that), gave up his place on the English throne on 10 December 1936 (having been King for less than twelve months) because he wished to marry Wallis Simpson, a twice-divorced American he had been having an affair with for a number of years. Edward and his love married and lived together in exile until his death in 1972. 

I’m sure his reasons for abdicating were not as clear cut as merely ‘being in love’ but I guess he felt he would find greater happiness with her, than he would being the King of England. Not a small price to pay.

That’s the interesting thing about the concept of ‘sliding doors’, we never ever know what our lives would have been like had we gone through the other door instead.

Where would you be now if you’d taken that chance on love?

Where would you be now if you hadn’t given up on that relationship which hadn’t quite reached its use-by date?

Where would you be now if you’d realised a long time ago that the person you’re with is not the person your heart truly longs to love?

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I saw a photo of an old love of mine online last week and he is now step-father to four children (he already has three of his own) and it took the wind out of me, even though it's not the first time I've seen a photo of them all together. The Irrational Impulsive Human that I am, automatically compared My Life to His which was an absolutely ridiculous thing to be doing. The rational part of me knew that.

But I did it anyway. Involuntarily and painfully. Until I stopped to remind myself that I chose a different life than the one I could have shared with him. And that I have a Most Lovely Life which I wouldn't trade for all the chocolate in Willy Wonka's little factory.

But sometimes our hearts squeeze with excitement or love or breathtaking longing for what once was. Or might have been. Or may still be. And yet the reality of it is always different than our vision because once we have ‘it’ or once we get ‘there’, our perspective changes yet again. That's where the premise of 'I'll be happy when' comes from. If we think like that, we'll never actually ever be happy because it's always something we're striving for. Something we’re trying to attain. Something we don’t yet have. 

I know I’m happy now. Right where I am. Happiness isn’t something I find elusive and mysterious. It’s not something that I’m always seeking. Because it’s already beside me.

Could I be happier with a partner? 

I think that would bring a different type of happiness to my life – and an entirely new set of challenges (to say the least!) - but not having a partner certainly doesn’t take anything away from the high level of contentment I feel most of the time. 

And I know from experience that love seems to find me when I least expect it. And often at a time that is rather inconvenient. But find me it does. And no doubt it will happen again.

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Who am I to argue with Love’s timing!

I often read about love that moves me to tears. I adore love so it doesn’t take much for something or someone to touch my heart. But this is something different than your typical love story. This is about letting go of love with a heart filled with love. This letter is written by a man to his wife of 20 years, on the day they got divorced. 

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/michael-cheshire/an-open-letter-to-my-now-_b_5876984.html?ncid=fcbklnkushpmg00000063

Imagine if we could all end relationships with this much love and respect for our partners?

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Love made me buy something else recently too. A wooden bench that will soon take up residence on my front deck. It has been lovingly made out of an old picnic table and painted blue as that was my Mum’s favourite colour. 

Did I ‘need’ a bench? No.

Did I want to do something special to honour my Mum. Absolutely.

Does my heart squeeze each time I read the words etched on the plaque I’ve had made for her? Every Single Time. Because the plaque is filled with words which embody the life she lived.

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It squeezes because the plaque needs to exist at all. 

It squeezes because I would rather she could sit on the bench – any bench - beside me.

It squeezes because I wish I’d loved her a little better while she was here. I wish I’d looked past her fears and her vulnerabilities and gravitated more toward the immense love she held for me.

There is no such thing as small love.

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Mum died three years ago today. 

The sun has risen and set more than one thousand times since I last sat by her side. As I gently held my hand over her heart as it took one last beat on this earth. Just as she would have felt for my first few heartbeats when I was born. 

Can there be a more patient love than that which is simply present as another soul breathes?

As I was born with a tireless desire to rustle through the debris to unearth the positives in every situation, I do my best to turn sad occasions into happier ones. Not necessarily happy ones, but simply happier than they would otherwise be. So I send another mother a Mother’s Day gift each year to ease the pain of not being able to send something to my Mum. And today I started another new tradition. I took three beautiful bunches of roses to the Buderim Crematorium and Gardens and I placed the flowers one at a time near the plaques devoid of flowers. I cried the entire time but it did fill my heart with a Kind of Happiness.

I walked around the gardens and read the messages of love forever etched onto plaques slightly tarnished by time. My heart squeezed as I saw two toy cars beside a boy who was stillborn. Toys he would never play with but which someone felt compelled to give. A ceramic pair of dance shoes sat patiently near a little girl who died aged six. 

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I posted the following ‘Karen’s Thought for Today’ on Facebook sometime last year and I thought it appropriate to share it here now:

Imagine if we had the opportunity to say goodbye to the people we love - they leave us, seemingly forever - and we truly feel the absence of them in our lives, we realise just how much we miss them and how much we value them and how we are eternally grateful they were woven into the colourful threads of our lives. And most of all, we deeply feel how much love we have for them residing in every corner and available space of our shattered hearts. Then imagine how we would feel if they were miraculously returned to our lives. How different we would be, how different our relationships would be, how awesomely different humanity would be. We think we know the impact loss will have on our lives but we don't until it actually happens. The reality of it is so very different - so much more brutal and heart-wrenchingly final - than anything our imaginations can possibly create. My wish is that we somehow find a way to feel that difference while our special someones are still here... so we appreciate them more, we accept them fully for who they are - right now, today - and we love them far beyond our capacity to love.

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Mother and child - now that’s a forever kind of love.

Joyful hugs,

Karen xo

'I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you simply, without problems or pride: I love you in this way because I do not know any other way of loving but this, in which there is no I or you, so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand, so intimate that when I fall asleep your eyes close.' Pablo Neruda, 100 Love Sonnets


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    This is me

    Hi, I’m Karen Young and I live on the beautiful Sunshine Coast in Australia. I'm a passionate, nerdy, loud, quirky introvert who loves words, elephants, people, the beach, champagne, chocolate, sunsets, trees, travel, books, Joy of every kind but especially Letterbox Joy, Writing Joy and Theatre Joy. I adore being inspired to Live More, Love More and Be More. I love fiercely and hurt deeply. I make mistakes, lots and lots of lots of mistakes! And I learn from most of them although some lessons seem to take me a lifetime to learn so Life is most definitely a constant Work In Progress xo

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